denial will lead nowhere

so here we are
or rather,
here i am

and here come the words without a trace
of hint of meaning of
message
of pace

with nature red and caution blue
we'll burn these beds
and bury you
deeper deeper away we go
why so lost?
why no soul?

this isn't about misery or joy

Hate's too strong, Love's too weak

Factors of the sky rendered heart
Shaped and pierced by lackluster art
All words all thoughts all souls
Day in day out weeping endings start
Crossing over under through each other
Forming nothing but complexity's brutality

Wretched pieces of haphazard cloth
Shredding wings of dusty moths
Shed no tears
Laugh for them
And at us

Pyres drenched expected to blaze
Muddled muddied confusion
Those were the days
Yours to take
Fake
Give it back
Undeserving
Go away
Liar
These aren't tears

In this mess of drowning
For years and years and years and years
Of avoidance
Desperation and struggle of no action
Discourse continuing throughout all of it
Meaning absolutely what it was
Losing losing losing losinglosing losig losing losing lsong lsng lsong lsoing losing losing losing losing loing losing lonsgf losig soing lsogn lsing slgmsgslglsgl slgslglinslgmsgoks

Tearing up
And lost

Why even bother with this
All is ripped apart and handed back to me in flames
Ashes burning alone
Burning in pain
Why should they?
While dying for an apparent nothing
That simply shreds me apart
Mercilessly
Heartlessly
Painfully
All for what? Nothing
I know it
You know it
Why even bother with the charade when it's obvious
This drunken rant is truth
While those sober hopes are lies
Is this what truth really is?
Far too many thoughts to keep track of
And all I want is to kill

3 days earlier

Why care? Why even bother?
Do you? You act like you do,
so well sometimes, but do you really?
Raising my hopes, my dreams flourish.
Then your hailstorm crushes it all.
Why? What am I to you? Do I mean anything?
Maybe you're not to blame; I want it to be true.
But no. It's only you.
Why can't I ever win?

Why do you do this to me? How can you?
You say you miss me, love me, and yet?!
Why the fuck why how what
IT MAKES NO SENSE
I'm dying for you, killing myself for you
I'm going far too far for nothing

Tomorrow

This is far more than pain
An embellishment of hate
Simply put my mind laughs
My heart dies
My soul weeps
The sky cries

Shards of myself lie scattered across the floor
I'll watch them, admire them, hate them
Eventually gather up all I can
But it's never as many as there were
Then once again, once more, I'll shatter
With fewer and fewer pieces each time
Until none remain

All the while, the entire time
Constantly and unrelentingly
My broken soul and ashen heart
How pitiful they are
Yearning for what they can't have
Anger will engulf them
Hate will destroy them
Misery will drown everything

This is simply the role I've been handed
I'll play it gloriously

My audience
Pride stabbing
Greed devouring
Envy controlling
Wrath destroying
Everything
These are my colours
These are my truths
They will guide me
Along my path of self-destruction
To nowhere yet everywhere and
Countless dreams will turn to dread
Vision will blur with flame
Pathetic fallacy will drown all
While I rejoice cry lie die
With my useless love

I'm far too hopeless a romantic for this
Any of this
All of it

Between here and now to there and when lies
What? Typing like this is such a different experience as compared t opencil and paper
The flow’s different
It’s all different
Typos, capitals, keystrokes
As opposed to the sketching stroke of my letters, the sound it makes
Honestly i think i enjoy that sound
It’s so.... i don’t even know, it just is
And i enjoy it so
I’ve completely lost where i was trying to go when i started this

nights like these i hate the most

in the moonlight everything seems so
unreal, dreamlike, is anything really happening?
the light it casts on you
it lets you glow
you radiate brilliance
are you really there? do you exist with me?
can we occupy the same time and space
without my world being engulfed by sleep?
but it's such a beautiful shine
i hope this night never ends
it's the closest we'll ever get
it's perfection for just a fraction of a moment's instant
and it's so much more than enough
if i wake all i want is to
find, be with, adore, everything as long as it's you
sunshine gives my surrealistic hopes, dreams, and views
such a different look
nothing's the same as it was, as it could be
as i want it to be
you're still beautiful
but it's different
you still glow, you still radiate, i still want, adore
but it's all different
this light's harsh
blinding
in the blink of an eye you disappear
when will the moon come back?
will you be there when it does?
what if i could take the sun's glaring truth away?
but then there'd be no moonlit perfection
would there?
you'd fade away with the night's shadows
gone forever
and i'd have less than i do now
let's defy the world and keep this cloudless night alive
impossible as it may be
moonlight or sunshine
i have no more words
words can't do this justice anyways