Here comes the sun

It's amazing how much there is in those parts of the mind that no one sees, thinks about, tries to hide, wishes weren't there. Those shadows that are there because it's who we are isn't it?
You learn so much about people even if you simply acknowledge it. And oh so much more if you take a step in. It's amazing how easy it could be if not for everything.
It's funny 'cause I'm saying this like I know what it is; what I'm talking about when in all reality I'm just typing mindlessly off a tangent of a tangent of a thought.

Nevermind, it doesn't matter anymore.

But the point is that for a time it did.

Pyros Make Fire Famous (numero deux)

Where've you gone off to?
It's been a while now
Whatever happened to that dream of you
It's been a while

yet nothing's really changed has it
still the same ol' same ol'
still this same hole

Lockless keys dangling through the air each night
Where's the concept of fair without light
to strike this match and see what there is
to see what there is and go
to go without a fight

the fight's what makes things interesting and keeps it all alive
struggle struggle struggle and there's purpose
take it away and it's
gone
meaningless

This is what I say for the time being
My message in a bottle
The bottle's cracked
It's flooding
My message sinks
Who'll see it now?


It's been quite a while hasn't it
Where oh where has the time gone my dear?
Come, let's catch up, please sit
Maybe this time you'll stay near

let's not give into fear
let's

Apples & Oranges

Deaf-mute role played well
Send your thoughts through
The pitter patter of morse code
All throughout my humble abode

Blackout
Vanish

A forest made of trees burning
Smoke obscures the goal
Trees with branches yearning
Leaves forget their role

Wakeup
Blur

The comedy's over
The tragedy's due
The epic comes later
This play will take you
away

Mirror mirror on the wall / How I hate and fear you all

Oh dear boy how you fell,
Higher and higher they thought, "oh what a nice lad,"
But you knew of your treacherous hell

So innocent, so pure,
The story starts
So naive, so young,
What a beautiful soul
Until it's torn apart

A feeling
Nothing more,
She gave you her all
Her all in Vane,
An experience all the same

Lower lower falling farther than before,
Soul dying, you're dying
decay decay decay
Wit and charm cause much harm
Has he lost track of the score?

Repetitious repetition constantly scarring
Flesh, mind, heart, soul; his poor soul

He's locked himself into the cage he made
The spitting image of an Ace of Spades
gone awry

Look into your eyes
Look into your soul

Farewell dear shade of Gray
Reminiscent of many days,
We both know the end and what's to come
Not she for you
nor She for

My compliments to the chef

Jan. 3rd/10
January never seems to like me. I wonder why. Car = slight crash. Parents = freaking out. Oh I'm fine thanks for caring mom. I didn't see my life flash. What life right dad? I was there but wasn't. It's weird. Cool though. Might've been better if it was worse and I was hurt. Comatose. Dead. One can hope. Maybe I am comatose/dead but I just don't know it. Wouldn't that be nice.
Job hunting then gymtimes tomorrow. I liekd the gym.
Stop lying to them. Dark snow slippery shut the fuck up. It's because your son's a failure. A disappointment in every fuckin way isn't it? We both know it so why lie about it? He I me just fails at everything. Nothing is good enough for you. No praise. No acknowledgement. Nothing but disappointment and failure. What's it matter though, my life isn't worth living is it dad? What the fuck do I know right? Insult me some more, c'mon. What else do you have to say? All I've gotten is insult and disappointment one after the other. I guess that's all I am. All I'm worth. Why couldn't I have just died. But no, I failed at that too didn't I dad?

Present
I don't really care about the car or insurance or any of that. I didn't really even care at the time. It's an object of money. Sure it's nice but, it's just extra. Good to know they didn't ask about me and my well being until after the insurance company was called and all that was settled. Everyone knows money > life. But again, what do I know about life?
I'm scared. The suicidal thoughts are getting worse. No, scratch that. Worse means bad doesn't it, this isn't necessarily bad. Maybe it's just how things should be. And they really have grown. Multiple plans of how thigns could go down. Before when these thoughts crept into my head I'd think about stuff liek Her and friends and things I'd liek to do and see and all that but... part of me is scared and wants to live. Anotehr part, maybe a bigger part, doesn't care and is bored with this life.
As I was whoring myself out today job hunting I ended up talking to myself for a bit. I want to leave. That was what I said to myself. I want to leave. Here everything just leave. Leave and just be free of this whole work money death business. I think that's ideally what everyone would like but sadly it's not possible for too many.
I don't liek job hunting. I honestly don't like jobs. I mean looking back, Shoppers wasn't bad, but at the time I never wanted to go. Not really. Everything's better in hindsight it seems. In an ideal world, we'd all be happy and do what made us happy. But sadly that's not the world we live in. We all really only care about ourselves and those dear and near to us though so I guess in my ideal world it'd be me and those close to me who were happy and everyone else wouldn't really matter. It sucks but I mean, that's just how it is.
Maybe this is a cry for help. I want someone to stop this and tell me I matter and all that because I don't feel I get that here. I'm just a whore for attention aren't I? But will it help? If it's not who it really needs to be, will it stop this? I honestly don't know. I just want to leave.

Aware Beware cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

No rhyme or reason
It doesn't need it
It just is
But at the same time isn't
Itself

A dream fantasy goal
Driving pursuers mad
Down the rabbit hole
Through happy angry sad

Truth is singular
Lies are multiples
Warped and bloodied
Painful yet studied

Intricately simple, simply intricate
A touch of shadow and it's worth shit

Always so cunning but naive
Some light and what's left to believe?

http://viviphyd.deviantart.com/journal/29405482/

The lights have gone out
The lights have gone away
The lights aren't coming back
They've left us to decay
They played with our minds
We thought we held sway
They ripped out our tongues
We have nothing to say

The shadows wont leave us alone like the lights
The shadows will save us and teach us to spite

The lights will fade from memory and heart
The shadows will parade much past the start

inside deep deeper deepest
so far in it hurts to breathe
covering skin
colouring blood
carved into bone
so far in we're never alone

title

After a night of drinking I seem to be able to wake up and be fine for the most part. Except for being insanely hungry and my stomach hurting from time to time.
And a soreish throat. But that may be because of sitting out in the cold.
But it was nice so no complaints. Sorry to say I can't remember everything we talked about but I'm sure I went on for a bit but you listened anyways and I listened to you and it was a nice time. It'll all come back to me eventually. I'm glad to have met you, and I'm glad you two are together.

So now it's just a matter of days weeks months possibly years of what to do how to do it why do it and maybe even doing something. What? Who knows. Why? Why not?
I have clue what I'm talking about
But who does

this seems to have become another "i don't want to post" writing
that wasn't my intention
it's never intended
rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant
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p.s. facebook's mocking me again