taking a page from David Keis and swearing

It turns out it's the same old story as always isn't it?
The start the middle the end it's always the same in the end
I want you to leave
It'd make everything so much easier
But I don't want you to leave at all
Please stay here
Stay with me
It makes it so much harder but
What I want isn't what you want
What you want is a complete mystery to me
What I want is pretty mysterious to me as well
This may just be a lose-lose situation for all
Please go away
Never look back
Never say another word to me
Don't think about me, even in passing
Erase me completely and maybe I'll disappear
It's the easiest thing for everyone
But
I don't know if I can let that happen
I'm dying to have your attention
Why is it always like this?
You're still there
Why are you there
This is torture
I've fallen into my own trap
For the nth time
I never learn do I?
It shouldn't be this way
It should never have to be this way
Why does it have to be this way
Please just go away
Leave me alone
Please make this easy
Please say something
No don't
Just leave
Because I can't
Disappear
Never come back
I'm greedy
Envious
Full of fake pride
Starting to leak wrath
These sins of mine will destroy me
I don't want to destroy you too
Would you be ever so kind as to save me?
It's not saving that I need
Just want
Thoughts are running rampant and shredding themselves apart amongst the ruins of my very heart and soul
And yet you're still there
Why won't you leave?!
Leave me alone
For everyone's sake
If you won't leave then at the very least come closer
Stop mocking me with your presence
Just being there isn't
It's not
Why can't
Words fail me
I fail me
I feel
I've lost again
I'm lost
Now close to breaking
I'm sick of it
I want to but don't
I don't want to but I do
It's always like this
I want revenge
Avenge my heart
If you leave I'll regret it instantly
I regret it already
Please don't go away
But don't stay
I want to tell you all of this but I know I can't
I shouldn't
At all
Never
This game always rips me apart
And always draws me back in

Scratchcards & Losses

Counting down the dwindling moments
Peace awaits at the end of the road
It's all I can think of
What I dream of, even awake
It's taken complete hold with its charm

breathe in
Like gypsies dancing around an open flame
count
Like if looks could kill and you could aim
count
Like the moonlight in its prime
pause
Like a lady who's not mine
breathe out

Corruption everywhere
All over inside covering smothering
All of it everything
Nothing is pure
Why must this be

What is this Who am I What is the point of this
Crazy fucked up day-to-day bullshit That we call a life
Causing pain and misery Spreading like a virus
Until nothing's left

Like gypsies dying around an open flame
Like if looks could kill and you took aim
Like the moonlight past its prime
Like a lady dressed and dying

Breathe in
Count
Count
Pause
Breathe out
I want it Need it now
There will be peace

Romanticism

It's because you think I care
That's what it all comes down to
I'd burn the oceans for a chance
To prove this for you

So maybe love's not it exactly
But honestly it's ineffable
I swear that on my life
That doesn't mean much but you mean so much
So it evens out

The Ides of March are nothing to me
The Tides of Dawn are stirring
So let's set sail on this black blood sea
As Dusk breaks apart the waves

Pacing pacing pacing pacing
Days Weeks Months Years
All just words passing through our ears

And then
Gunn to my head
No trigger to pull
Shot without spark
All feelings turn null